A light went out somewhere in Tokyo-3.

"Are you sure this is going to work?"

The other MWCISWADS (mysterious woman cloaked in shadow with a dark 
secret) balked at the doubt that was not in the first's voice.  "Trust 
me... I know what I'm doing."

Hikari bit her lip, but relented.  "If you're sure, Lucy^H^H^H^H 
Asuka..."

****

Luuucieeeeeeeeeee, Iii'mm hooooooooommmme!

Blind Date
a Neon Genesis Evangelion strange
conspired by Pervert featuring Switch
Nikholas F. Toledo Zu productions

For those of you who really have to know, this happens around the time of 
Episodes 12-14.  Honest, really.  If you take this as canon we won't mind.

****

Suzuhara Touji was in a good mood.  Already, he was out of his jogging 
pants and his sweats and into shorts and an undershirt, with a striated 
orange ball under his arm.  He was on the up and up; he was on his way to 
- "Hey, Touji!"

He stopped - he faked - he lunged - he righted himself, just in time.  
The basketball rolled off to a shrub, all but forgotten; only one person 
could mangle such a simple greeting: "What is it, Asuka?"

Soryuu Langley Asuka bounded down the front steps of the school building, 
looking much like the cat in the canary suit.  "Are you doing anything 
later tonight?"

Child #4 eyed #2 carefully, ready to spring at the slightest temperature 
change in the latter.  "No..."  No reaction - second check: "why do you 
ask?"

Asuka ignored Touji's suspicions, tilting forward on her heels, bending 
at the waist, hands behind her in that oh-so-innocent-little-girl pose.  
"I've got a friend who wants to go out with you..."  She looked into his 
eyes and blinked - the perfect trap.  "You know... like a blind date."

Somewhere in Touji's brain, a sigh said there were more things more 
terrible than Asuka setting you up on a blind date.  Still, he had 
priorities.  "Is she cute?"

Asuka tilted back, straightening with a click.  "Well..."  Mentally, she 
conjured a picture of Hikari, standing simply and smiling simply.  Beside 
this, she summoned images of all the other girls she considered cute: a 
virtual portfolio of Asukas striking poses surrounded the somber Hikari.  
She decided that she didn't want to stretch the truth too much.  "Well, 
she's smart!"

"Is she cute?" Touji persisted.

"She's friendly," she conceded.

Touji scratched his head, wondering if he was missing something.  "Is she 
cute?"

"She's fun to be around," she pointed out.

Touji was almost sure about it - he was not getting anywhere.  Arms 
akimbo, he repeated, "is she cute?"

Ikari Shinji then chose to come within earshot, something he chose to do 
because the combination of Touji and Asuka tended to cause trouble for 
him no matter how it fell, as Asuka took it out on him at their common 
apartment.  After the unusual episode of praise from his father, he 
didn't want or need the half-German girl's squawking.  Since they were 
not even shouting yet, the distance was therefore much less than usual - 
and not even hiding distance.

Asuka was as close to her wits' end as she would ever admit to herself.  
"Well, she's..."  Noticing the other boy, she hissed, "Shinji, help me 
out!"

Shinji, surprised to hear *that* four-letter word from Asuka, immediately 
complied.  "Who're we talking about?"

Asuka couldn't sigh.  She said, "I'm setting up a date between Touji 
and..." then cupped her mouth away from Touji with a hand and mouthed the 
name "Hikari".  However, the bilingual tongue does tend to do acrobatics 
that a native mind would overlook - Shinji saw her say "Ikari".

Shinji's eyes flickered ever so quickly, first bulging at Asuka, then at 
Touji, then off of Touji, quickly.  *I didn't know Touji-san was gay...*  
Still, the way that Asuka was struggling to find the words to cover up 
the whole affair from unknowing ears...  *Oh, well, I suppose I SHOULD 
support his choice.  But, why is Asuka setting up a date with my father?*

Asuka snapped her fingers at the new insight - turning back to Touji, she 
said, "well, she's real feminine."

The image of Gendou wearing his jacket, in a tutu and tights from the 
waist down, found its way into Shinji's mind.  When he put an arm over 
his head, stood on his toes, started to pirouette, then Fuyutsuki came in 
-  "Isn't she a bit too old?" he blurted out.

Asuka turned to him, already wondering why she called him over.  "No, she 
isn't."  To Touji, she clarified: "I mean... one year isn't that bad."

*A year?  Then, she must mean...?!*  "Don't you think she's not for him?"

Asuka looked over her shoulder, red hair flaring in the afternoon sun.  
"She's perfect for him!"

Shinji choked down on his first reflex and stood his ground, not without 
flinching, though.  "But she, I mean he's, not reeeaally feminine."

Asuka wasn't sure why Shinji was becoming so obstinate, but she was sure 
as hell that she was going to find out.  She turned to her rival pilot 
and reiterated, "sure she is!"

She was more than starting to get on his nerves.  "Just because a person 
doesn't speak his mind all the time doesn't mean the person's feminine!"

"What are you talking about?"  With Shinji just trying to make a fight 
out of this simple task, Asuka found it imperative to make sure that 
Touji would go out with Hikari-chan - even if she had to lie a little.  
"She's more feminine than I am!"

The taller boy noticed that none of them were actually paying attention 
to him.  "Ummm, guys... can I have a say in this?"  After all, only 
Kensuke liked watching warfare up close.

"BUTT OUT!"  They didn't even notice that they chorused.

Touji hid his face with dark spots and slunk back.  "Yes, sir.  Butting 
out, sir."

Shinji drew himself up and toward the incorrigible dominator.  "That 
person is NOT more feminine than you are!  It's IMPOSSIBLE!"

Asuka met his pomp with her usual chest-pumping-fists-at-sides, unable to 
stop from smirking a bit at the flattering indications.  "It's possible 
because it's true!  Touji and her would make a perfect match."

*Is she nuts?!*  "Would not!"

*Why, you...!*  "Would too!"

"Would not!"

"Would too!"

Touji was almost pushed from his position by a few casual passers-by and 
goers-home that began to clump around them and to rubberneck at what 
seemed to be a classic battle of the sexes - between Eva pilots, no less!  
"Can I go now, guys?"

"Stay right there!"

"eep."  Touji was almost sure that those two set him up just to embarrass 
him.  Then he was assailed by the betting pool, who were intent on 
finding out the topic of the argument.

Oblivious to all this, Shinji drew inches closer to his adversary.  
"Would not!"

The redhead closed the gap, standing toe-to-toe with the boy.  "Would 
too!"

"WOULD NOT!"  They were in each other's faces.

"WOULD TOO!"  If they were any closer, it'd be obscene.

"WOULD NOT!!"

"AND *WHY* NOT?!"

"BECAUSE *I'M* **NOT** ***GAY***!!!"

The crowd drew its collective breath.  The Third Child suddenly felt very 
much like he was in a very tight, transparent plugsuit.

Touji backed away slowly, his hands suddenly unsure of what they wanted 
to do - cover his mouth, point at Shinji or flail wildly.  "This is too 
weird for me."  Luckily, he espied Horaki Hikari coming out from her 
scheduled day of classroom cleaning.  He waved her over.  "Hey, Class 
Rep!"

Ignoring her blush, she veered toward the lanky-looking classmate and the 
now-buzzing crowd.  "Yes, what is it?"

Touji took one last look at the classmate he would now least likely be 
alone with.  "Wud'ja like to eat somewhere? I've got something 
interesting to tell you."  Another last look, then he started off.  "Did 
you know that Shinji's...?"  Touji floundered a little, not quite sure 
how to break the news, with floundering gesticulations, trying to summon 
the right word with his hands.

Hikari nodded, faking understanding, and walked as close to Touji's side 
as she could dare, then turned her head to send her partner-in-crime a 
quick wink of appreciation.

With the throng now dispersed and satisfied with the newest rumor to feed 
the mill, only Asuka and Shinji enjoyed the silence of the vacated 
schoolyard.  Then... Asuka snickered.  Then she chuckled, she snortled,
and finally guffawed.

She wiped away tears.  "I should have known that's why you haven't tried 
something with me at the apartment, ne, Shinji-kun?  Or should I call you 
Shinji-chan?"  She turned her back on him, running an arm through her 
hair, emphasizing the patronizing tones.  "You'd HAVE to be gay to resist 
my charms," she turned a haughtily amused eye to him, "not that I'd ever 
let you get anywhere, of course."  She turned back, enjoying the sound of 
her own voice.  "It's a wonder I hadn't figured it out before..."

"Oy."  With that, Shinji trudged home, ignoring his housemate as he 
passed by her on the way out the gate.

"... I figure," Asuka was rounding out, "that my body would have some 
effect on his body, but a stubborn donkey only kicks backward."  She 
turned to see Ayanami Rei exit the school building.  "Well, well, well, 
if it isn't Wonder Girl in the flesh."  Undeterred by the lack of a 
response, she continued her salvo.  "Our invincible Shinji turns out to 
be invulnerable to female attraction as well.  But it doesn't surprise me 
at all - he probably thought he would be a better girl than me as well."

She turned to look at the First, and acted upon the sarcasm she thought 
was in the red eyes.  

Rei could have said "Hmm?" but instead raised her left eyebrow just a 
notch.

Asuka was unfazed, "If you haven't heard yet, Shinji is - how should I 
say this? - a fairy, a sprite, playing on the other side of the fence, 
you know..."  She bent her arm at the elbow and wrist in an indicative 
manner.  Rei vaguely imitated the gesture, clearly thoughtful.

The half-German girl wasn't as sure as she sounded.  *Shinji... gay?  
Nah, how could he possibly be gay, when he has me around to show him the 
error of his ways?  Sure is fun to tease him about it, though.*

"Hmm.  That explains it."

The unexpected response took Asuka aback.  "Explains what?"

"Approximately two weeks after his arrival to Tokyo-3, Ikari was asked by 
Major Katsuragi to deliver my then recently renewed NERV ID card to my 
apartment."  Rei's monotone seemed lecturing, even clinical.  Asuka was 
sure her eyes were glazing over.  "Unfortunately, he arrived at about the 
same time I came out of my hot shower."  Asuka's eyes grew to saucers.  
"He then, through a lack of dexterity I still cannot conceive, managed to 
pin me to the floor with his right hand on my left breast."

Her brain numbed, Asuka's jaw dropped visibly.

"Now, I cannot say that I am an expert on such things, but from what I 
have read and heard about such things these circumstances usually follow 
through with sex... am I correct?"  Rei turned to the other girl, 
indicating a cue for reply.  "Upon hindsight, my behavior did seem to 
invite further action."

Asuka nodded blankly.

The First Child turned back to her original path.  "Yes, I thought so as 
well.  I was slightly curious as to why things did not progress in such a 
manner.  Thank you for clearing up the matter."  She started on her way 
out.  "Sayonara."  She did not wave to the red-haired pilot, who stood 
there gawking and limp.

Asuka:  "....."  A wind blew her hair around a little.  "..."

SORT OF THE END

Epilogue 1:

Major Misato Katsuragi arrived at the three-bedroom apartment that she 
was wont to call home.  "Tadaima!"  She slipped out of her shoes and 
turned the corner.

Shinji was dutifully cooking their dinner, as their schedule had 
prescribed.  "Tadaima, Misato-san!"

Misato crumpled her face at him.  "You don't have to act normal for my 
sake, Shinji-kun.  It's perfectly alright to feel a bit depressed after 
your secret gets out."

Like much the clueless fool, Shinji bit, removing the apron that he was 
wearing.  "What secret?"

The tactical commander sighed, shaking her head and cradling it in one 
hand.  "Shinji, Shinji, Shinji.  Still you try to hide it."  She removed 
the hand.  "You know... the fact that you're..."  Misato stuck out her 
forefinger from a fist, then let it droop.

The pilot mimicked the action.  "Huh?"

"It's fine, Shinji-kun," she said, patting his shoulder.  "You don't have 
to hide it.  In fact," she grinned widely, "if you have any 'friends', 
they can stay here."  She pulled in to whisper conspiratorially, "Just 
don't make too much noise, alright?"

The young Ikari bowed his head dejectedly, slapping his right palm to his 
forehead.  "Oy..."

Epilogue 2:

Shinji was early for the day's training and was walking down a corridor 
of NERV HQ.  For the same reason, Maya, Aoba, and Hyuuga were in the 
lounge, which he was passing by.

"Ohayou!"  The Third Child raised a hand.

Aoba re-affixed his glasses and raised his canned coffee.  "Ohayou!  Hey, 
Shinji, I heard you were-!"  He waggled his eyebrows and was twirling a 
lock of hair with a finger.

Hyuuga nodded.  "Yeah, as a jaybird."

Maya bonked Aoba, who was the closer of the two.  "Quiet, guys!  
Honestly!"  She leaned toward the boy to whisper, "But if you want to, 
y'know, talk about it, I'm always here, alright.  I know what you're 
going through."

Sound of palm on forehead.  "Oy..."

Epilogue 3:

A dark room.

"Hmmm, so Shinji is," Gendou shrugged his shoulders in a stolid manner.

Fuyutsuki nodded, eyes not leaving the reports in his hands, "Yes, 
Commander, it has been confirmed from numerous secondary sources."

Gendou tried not to flinch too much.  "What is SEELE's reaction to the 
news?"

The second-in-command said, in one breath, "They are a bit perturbed that 
you did not come to them immediately with this new information.

A noise, not quite a guffaw, as Ikari stood.  "Bah, they are a pack of 
doddering old fools.  This recent development has nothing to do with our 
implementation of the Human Complement Process."  A pause, as Gendou 
slipped on his glasses.  "So, is that all, Fuyutsuki?"

"Yes."

Gendo pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.  "Very well."  He 
raised his arm - in a gloved hand, a sleek black module pointed in the 
older man's direction.  "Let us begin."  With a flick, deep Latin music 
resonated in the chamber.  Fuyutsuki grabbed the hand - then stepped to 
his partner's side.

Slinky tango ensued.

END (honest!)

co-author's eklat: well this was a little something that was in my mind 
for quite awhile. it's basically an exercise in trying to get as many 
yokes as possible from EVA w/o going OOC or even out of the plotline of 
the regular series. Epilogue 3 was inspired by a fan art I saw recently, 
blame that if you must blame anything. 

as an additional thing, please send in your comments, suggestions, 
whatnot to Switch's address. with this fanfic, me and Switch were trying 
a kind of co-authorship we haven't tried before ... so if you like the 
results we'll probably do it again for a longer work (actually, even w/o 
comments we'd probably do it anyway ... but getting C&C really helps a 
lot).