Nikholas F. Toledo Productions present... A Ranma1/2 special fanfiction series ---------------- ->radio romance1/2 ->chronicles of the anything-goes school of broadcasting martial arts ->written and directed by Nikholas "Mayhem" F. Toledo ---------------- Episode 1: Here's Ranma, Investigative Reporter (It is a sunny morning over Nerima. The camera pans over the district as it zooms in over a particular skyscraper in the downtown skyline, in that camera effect that was pioneered in "Psycho".) Narrator: This is the corporate headquarters of the TDO-STM network, a steel and glass structure standing over 60 floors, housing the many studios and offices needed to run a nation-spanning broadcast corporation. It is another fine day for the employees who work hard in this building, until... Intercom: Paging Nabiki and Akane Tendo... Paging Nabiki and Akane Tendo... Please proceed to Conference Hall 1 immediately. (The message is repeated as we see Akane [20-ish, waist length blackish- blue hair tied into a coif, dressed in blue business suit and spectacles] step out of one of the offices.) Akane: (hurrying towards elevator) Drat! What does he want now...? Sayuri: (inside elevator [long-haired background character]) Good morning, Akane! What's the rush? (Akane enters and stands beside Sayuri.) Akane: I don't know. But we were called to *Conference Hall 1*. Some sort of emergency meeting of sorts. (Akane punches the highest number on the console as the elevator doors slide shut.) Sa: Dang. Seems like some serious shit to me. Must have something to do with the rumor that's been making the rounds. A: (puzzled) What rumor? Sa: Well, it appears that there's been some kind of realignment going on at the highest level of the organization. A: (surprised) WHAT?!? Kuno's pulling off another hostile takeover? Sa: No. He wouldn't dare do that after what your sister did to him. Still, there's some kind of ownership settlement for the entire company or something like that. I don't really know for sure. A: (a bit worried) Well, I'm going to find out soon enough. Sa: (noticing something) Not yet, Akane. Not for a long while. A: Why, Sayuri? Is it really that bad that management is going to hide it from me? Is the company really on the brink of chaos? Why, Sayuri?!? Tell me! Sa: Conference Hall 1 is on the top floor, right? A: Yes! Why?!? Sa: (pointing) This elevator is going down. A: Urk! (facefaults) ************* (a few minutes later, ground floor) Sayuri: Sorry about this, Akane. I didn't know you were going upstairs. Akane: (sheepish) Don't worry about it, Sayuri. It's my fault. Sa: Anyway, this is my floor. Hope that it's not anything serious. (hops off the lift and waves goodbye) A: See you around, Sayuri. (Akane waits for anyone going up. A few moments pass, no one comes in. She presses the close elevator door button.) pig-tailed guy: (from far end of lobby): DON'T CLOSE THAT ELEVATOR! middle-aged bald man (rushing past guy toward elevator, forcing the guy to rush faster): HURRY UP, SON! WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE! (Akane opens the elevator. The pig-tailed guy slams into Akane, sending the two of them sprawling to the floor in a very compromising situation. The bald man walks in and presses the floor they're going to, looking sheepish. Elevator doors close.) [silence] A (from underneath pig-tailed guy): GET OF ME, YOU PERVERT!!! ptg: (scrambling to his feet) Jeez, I'm sorry, miss. I didn't mean to... A: (fuming mad) The hell you say you're sorry! You actually went *faster* when you saw those elevator doors opening again! ptg: (still apologetic) But the lobby floors were slippery and I... (suddenly mad) Why the heck are you still angry for?!? I said sorry already! A: I think you did that on purpose so that you could bump into me and grope me to your perverted heart's content! ptg: WHAT?!? And what makes you think that anyone would grope such an uncute tomboy like you?!? A: WHAT THE HECK DID YOU SAY I WAS?!? ptg: I SAID THAT YOU'RE AN UNCUTE TOMBOY, TOMBOY! mabm: Uh... I think that you should stop--- ptg & Akane: SHUT UP, WILL YOU!!! mabm: (small voice) eep... Okay... (The argument between the pig-tailed guy and Akane heats up as the elevator goes higher and higher up the building. The elevator doors open at certain floors but no one goes in due to understandable reasons.) (Finally, the elevator reaches the top floor.) mabm: (in obvious relief) Thank goodness... A: What are you still doing here! This is a restricted area! ptg: That's because this is our floor, stupid! A: Get out before I call security! You act as if you own the place. mabm: (under his breath) Maybe he does... ptg: What about you? Aren't you just some low-paid run-of-the-mill employee from some backwater cubicle who managed to get herself lost? A: THAT DOES IT! I'm going to speak directly to the CEO about this. I'll have your head rolling on a platter faster than you can say 'Moon Cosmic Power Makeup!' ptg: Let's see who has the last laugh. (Pig-tailed guy and Akane march out of the elevator into a wood-paneled corridor, with the middle-aged bald man following slightly behind. They turn at the end of the hallway, and to the two newcomers' surprise...) ******* (The camera pans to the top of the skyscraper, where the Tendo Dojo, complete with the koi pond and the dojo house, is situated. This is the same Tendo Dojo from the original series. However, a communications tower sticks from the top of the dojo and there is a helipad next to the koi pond.) Narrator: The top floor of the TDO-STM Network Headquarters, a small square of green atop a tower of glass and concrete. Ten years ago, the owners of the network decided to move the entire square block of their house to the top of this building, to have a semblance of home in their place of work. This is Conference Hall 1, the all-important conference hall of the corporation, where decisions affecting the future of the entire network are made, like the one that is to take place. (There are three people in the Tendo living room. There is the well dressed long-haired man at the head of the table, a long-light-brown- haired gentle-looking woman and what seems to be her short-dark-brown- haired calculating sister. All three are wearing sophisticated business suits.) mabg: (bowling over Akane and pig-tailed guy) Well, if it isn't Soun Tendo! It's been such a long time! Soun (well-dressed long-haired man): My gosh, Saotome! I thought you were dead! Mr. Saotome (mmbg): I feel so hungry... er... happy! Let's do the Anything Goes School of Broadcasting Martial Arts Dance Technique of High Spirits! (The two jiggle-slam their bellies as they sing a martial-artsy type song while standing upside-down on their elbows. The other occupants of the room bigsweat.) A: Does he always do this? ptg: Never seen him do this before... Akane: (mad) Why am I talking to you?!? ptg: You started it! (The two turn away from each other as the gentle and calculating sisters smile knowingly. Mr. Tendo and Mr. Saotome stop their dancing.) S: (sheepish) I guess this would deserve some explanation... calculating businessperson: Like duh, dad. You dance around like a total idiot with a complete stranger. If I didn't know better, I would say that you two were--- gentle businessperson: (interrupting) But, of course, dad, we know that could explain this very nicely. S: Oh, yes. On with the meeting... (pointing to newcomers) Everyone, I would like you to meet Mr. Genma Saotome and his son, Ranma. Ranma (ptg): (bows down) Hi, I'm Ranma Saotome. It's a pleasure to meet all of you... (looks at Akane) Well, maybe not all of you... A: Hey, I heard that! (lightbulb appears over head) Wait a sec, you're that freelance investigative reporter Ranma Saotome, who vanished into China a few years back--- Genma: (hurriedly) Let's not talk about China... R: And what's it to you, anyway?!? (Blue aura surrounds Akane as she laughs wickedly.) S: Ah, yes... Uh... Genma, Ranma, I would like you to meet my eldest daughter, Kasumi. She's the vice president for corporate affairs. Kasumi (gentle-businessperson): Mr. Saotome, Ranma, on behalf of the entire network, I would like to welcome you to the TDO-STM family. S: She's the one who made up our tag line. calculating businessperson: ahem... Father, by what Kasumi just said, I can assume that these two Saotomes' are going to work for us soon? S: (looks over at Genma worriedly) Uh... Well... Not exactly... G: (hurriedly) But Ranma's out of a job right now. And since I've heard that there's an opening in your news department, he would be happy to stay here---oof! (Ranma bonks Genma in the head.) R: SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN MY AGENT?!? Soun: (bigsweating) This is my middle daughter, Nabiki. She's the head of the finance and human resources department. N: I'll be in charge of your paychecks, Ranma. You better be kind to me or you'll be sorry. R: BUT I'M NOT--- (Genma elbows Ranma in the gut.) G: He'll try to keep that in mind, right, Ranma? (whispers something to Ranma) R (grumbling): Well... Whatever... N: Also, there's one other person you'll have to be kind to, whether you like it or not. S: I think Nabiki's referring to my youngest daughter, Akane. (Akane smiles wickedly.) R: What the heck do I have to be kind to her for?!? S: She's the head of the news division. (Chill wind blows through open side doors.) R: (stuttering) Y-you mean, she's... K: Yes, Ranma. She's going to be your boss. (Blue aura flares around Akane. White floating spirits appear behind her as her dark shadow towers over Ranma.) A: (ghoulish voice) Your soul is mine! HAHAHAHAHAHA! R: (cringing under the fierce glare) eep... S: There is, however, the settlement of ownership that we still have to take up. (Special effects vanish.) Everyone else: OWNERSHIP?!? G: This company was founded following the tenets of our training in the Anything Goes School of Broadcasting Martial Arts. Me and your father are the last two practitioners of this world-famous school. Everyone else: Anything Goes School of Broadcasting Martial Arts?!? K: Do you mean, broadcasting the techniques of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts? (Soun and Genma suddenly stand on their feet) S: Genma... G: Soun... S & G: ANYTHING GOES SCHOOL OF BROADCASTING MARTIAL ARTS STATION ID TECHNIQUE!!! (Soun and Genma take on superior martial artist airs. The rising sun suddenly streaks through the side doors with kanji filling up the rest of the screen as Soun and Genma take out microphones from somewhere.) S & G: The Anything Goes School of Broadcasting Martial Arts! Founded by a man (whose name we dare not mention) twenty years ago, the Anything Goes School of Broadcasting Martial Arts combines ancient techniques of the Arts with the strength of mass media! The best of both worlds, the Anything Goes School of Broadcasting Martial Arts delivers a killing blow to your hapless opponent! Not only do you defeat him, you turn him into your willing slave! Not only do you humiliate him, you humiliate him on national TV! Not only do you win, you also have better ratings! G: The Anything Goes School of Broadcasting Martial Arts not only is a complete martial arts school, it also offers techniques for primetime and late-night show scheduling. It is a well-defined school of the arts, both in the physical and in mass media. S: The TDO-STM Family Network is the highest attainment of the Anything Goes School of Broadcasting Martial Arts. It is here that the techniques of the martial arts school are broadcast to the whole of Japan, and through cable, to the rest of the world! Truly, this is the most powerful school of Broadcasting Martial Arts! Everyone else: Now that's a load of bull! N (thinks for a while): Well... I still think that Anything Goes School of Martial Arts Broadcasting is a more apt name. (The props all around Soun and Genma crash to the ground as Nabiki's ego- busting words sink in.) S & G: (deflated) She's right, you know... A: (incredulous) How come I never heard of this before? N: That's because you didn't read the fine print of the company charter. (with a flourish, she takes out a bunch of documents from somewhere and places them on the low-slung table) The matter of the Anything Goes School of Broadcasting Martial Arts is duly noted at Section 3-1 clauses 1 through 5 and the co-ownership fills the rest of the section. You missed it because you can't read things below Times New Roman size 9 font. A (pushes up eyeglasses): You didn't have to say that, you know. K (looking over Nabiki's shoulder): Excuse me, but there seems to be something else written here... (She hands Nabiki a giant magnifying glass). Here, take a look. G and S (sweating): Uh-oh... N: It says here that to settle the matter of ownership, a daughter (or son) of the Tendo family must wed a son (or daughter) of the Saotome family in order change the criteria of the company into communal property of both families and simplify any further legal complications. A (screams, obviously): MARRIAGE?!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN MARRIAGE?!? K: Marriage is the state existing between a man and a woman in wedlock after they have been joined in a particular ritual that the society they belong. A: I know that!!! What I mean to ask is what this marriage means?!? N: Marriage will simplify matters of the co-ownership of the TDO-STM network between the Tendo and the Saotome families without having to result to legal means and thus legal fees. Didn't I just explain it to you earlier? A: (exasperated) BUT, I!!! (sighs) Arrgh! I give up... (Silence ensures as the three sisters think of ways to get out of this predicament. Meanwhile, Soun and Genma creep up to Ranma and clamp their hands on his shoulders.) S & G: For the sake of both our families... Son, choose your future wife! R: (alarmed) WHAT?!? YOU WANT ME TO CHOOSE A--- (Akane mishears and slams fist into Ranma's face.) A: THERE'S NO WAY I'LL LET YOU CHOOSE ME!!! (Kasumi and Nabiki jump up behind Akane.) K: Father, Akane here would be the perfect wife for Ranma. With their common job interests, they could go places! N: Kasumi's right, father! Even now, they're fighting as if they're married already! A: (surprise) We're not a couple! We're fighting! R (snaps out of non-space with broken teeth): HEY! DON'T I HAVE A CHOICE IN THIS?!? Waitaminute... (Lightbulb pops over Ranma's head.) R (thought): There's no way I'm gonna let that stupid tomboy boss me around... Maybe I should--- A: !!! WHY YOU--- R (paling): Eep! You mean I said that aloud? (Akane's aura flares up massively, air blasts began to circulate around the room as she rears back for a massively-destructive punch.) A: MEGATON PUNCH!!! R: AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! (Ranma is blasted through the open side doors straight into the koi pond. The water splashes high in the air due to Nerima's low gravity.) A: I! WILL! NOT! MARRY! A JERK! LIKE HIM!!! (Akane stomps out of the scene angrily and pushes all further descriptions a line lower) G (to Kasumi): Is Akane always like this? K (smiles): No... Sometimes she's just violent. S: (gravely) Saotome, I really hope that you've trained your son well in the art of the Anything Goes School of Broadcasting Martial Arts, for his sake. G (glasses shine): 'Trained Well' isn't the word I'd use, Tendo. N: That's two words, Mr. Saotome, or should I say, (louder) UNCLE SAOTOME... A (from off-screen): I HEARD THA---AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... (fades into distance) (The room is suddenly in chaos as everyone realizes what has happened.) S: AKANE!!! N: My goodness! She must have fallen down the elevator shaft! K: Oh, my! I have to do something! (she walks to one side and calmly vanishes off-screen) voice (from out of nowhere): Akane! (A sudden massive gust of wind tears through the living room from the koi pond, drenching everyone. It blasts through furniture and mows everyone down as it moves to the elevator shaft down the hall.) (Silence, then Soun cautiously peers from underneath the upturned table to look around.) S (eyes popping out): WHERE DID THIS PANDA COME FROM?!? panda: growl... ************* (An hour later...) (Akane wakes up from her sleep to find herself in a hospital bed surrounded by her loving family.) S: (bawling) AKANE!!! I THOUGHT I HAD LOST YOU!!! WHAT WILL YOUR POOR FATHER DO IF YOU'RE GONE?!? A: Dad... Calm down... I'm okay now, aren't I? N: Wow, sis... You almost bought the barn back there. I thought that I would have to send wanted ads for the News Department. A: Thanks for your concern, Nabiki. I'm a bit shaken up, but I'll be back to work in a little while. K: Oh! You're finally awake, Akane. When we saw you unconscious inside the elevator, we feared the worst! A: I was found unconscious inside the elevator? You mean, I wasn't brought here by...? (Akane looks behind Kasumi and spies Ranma staring out the window at the other side of the room.) A: Kasumi, how did I get here? K: Rescue teams found you unconscious inside the elevator at the 45th floor. They didn't know how you got there, 'cause there wasn't a hole in the roof of the-- (Kasumi stops just before Soun reaches critical mass) There didn't seem to be any reason to send you to the hospital so we just brought you here to Dr. Tofu's. A: I see... (she pauses in thought) Dad, Kasumi, Nabiki, please leave the room, I want to talk to Ranma alone. (The three exchange glances and slowly leave the room.) A: AND TAKE THAT HIDDEN CAMERA WITH YOU!!! (Nabiki gives Akane a look and removes the Pen-pen(tm) stuffed toy she had discretely left behind. Ranma continues to look at open window, and Akane looks at the door.) (For exactly 60 seconds, nothing is said.) R: I... I apologize for what I did a while ago. If... if you want, I'll have the engagement cancelled and I'll give you my resignation tomorrow (Dad already fixed the paperwork while you were asleep). (another minute of silence) A: Why didn't you save me? R: (surprise) Huh?!? But I--- A: (angrily) Aren't you Ranma Saotome, the famous investigative reporter who fought off 37 miffed Iraqi soldiers with just a slab of meat while protecting refugees in the Gulf War? Didn't you jump from the top of Tokyo Tower to save a boy who (for some unknown reason) smashed through the glass of the observatory floor? I've seen your clips, Saotome. I can name exactly 40 other situations where you acted like some sort of superman just to save people. For crying out loud, you should wear a cape! So why didn't you save me? R: (stammering) But, I did--- A: And you actually want me to believe that it was you who caught me in that elevator shaft?!? Liar! The person who saved me apparently didn't want his identity known, that's why he left me on that elevator floor! I've seen you gloat, Saotome, in all your news stories! If you stayed there, you would have taken all the glory and rubbed it in my face that I couldn't save myself! (Akane's aura flares up, turning the room an electric bright blue. In response, Ranma flares up a massively fierce red aura.) R: I WOULD HAVE STAYED IF YOU HADN'T KNOCKED ME INTO THE POND!!! A: SO YOU WANTED ME TO DIE, IS THAT IT?!? You could have rushed down to the shaft to save me! I don't care even if you would have blasted every piece of furniture in Conference Hall 1! I don't care even if you would have knocked my family down on the way, or drenched them with water from the koi pond on the way to the elevator shaft! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU JUST STAYED UNDERWATER AND LEFT ME TO DIE!!! GET OUT!!! I WANT YOU OUT OF THIS BUILDING AND OUT OF MY LIFE!!! R: IDIOT!!! YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT I WENT THROUGH TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT! Here I was about to get out of this stupid network and this stupid engagement but there's NO WAY I'm going to let you win! AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, THE ENGAGEMENT IS STILL ON AND THERE'S NO WAY IN HECK AND NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO CHANGE THAT!!! So there! (Ranma marches out of the room, deftly avoiding the miscellaneous mallets, maces, morning stars, and other rather pointy objects thrown at him and slams the door shut milliseconds before a halberd crashes into it.) (Akane screams in frustration, and then buries her head into the pillows.) ************* (Elevator scene: Ranma is inside an elevator, going somewhere. Doors opens and Hiroshi and Daisuke [slightly blond and black-haired male background characters, respectively] step in. Doors close and the elevator continues on somewhere.) Daisuke: Did you hear what happened at Dr. Tofu's Clinic? Apparently some jerk insulted the living daylights out of Miss Akane. Hiroshi: WHAT?!? The mighty trans-dimensional-mallet wielder herself?!? Akane 'QUEEN OF THE UNDERWORLD' Tendo?!? Akane 'Mercy is only for the Penguins and the Zebras' Tendo?!? Akane 'the--- Daisuke: Uh, Hiroshi, you don't have to introduce her, you know. Most fanfic readers have already read the manga or seen the anime anyway. Hiroshi: Well... it just adds to the feel of the story. Still, did she throw the halberd? Daisuke: And other assorted RPG-type weapons and implements. I even think there was a Buster Sword there somewhere, but I'm not that sure. Hiroshi: Then she was really miffed then... Goodness, I pity the guy who did this to her. His life is going to be a living heck. Literally. (Ranma squirms, listening to their conversation. He, however, keeps his big mouth shut.) Hiroshi: That's a big improvement... Daisuke: At least he's still in character. Hiroshi: Still, that's no way to treat a lady. I mean, that's still Miss Tendo 'the--- Daisuke: Hiroshi... Hiroshi: Uh, yes... Almost forgot myself there. As I was saying, insulting to the point of meltdown isn't a very nice way of treating a lady. Women are to be loved by guys like me, for example, and not be called names. Daisuke: Some circles would call that sexist language. You wouldn't want to vent the wrath of angry militant women anti-perverts, you know. Hiroshi: I'm not anti-women! I like them very much, thank you. Speaking of anti-women, Ran--guys like that are the enemy of all women and don't deserve any kind of love. Daisuke: That's what Sayuri would say. Yuka, on the other hand, would say that jerks like him most probably weren't hugged by their mom enough when they were growing up. (Ranma appears to be hit by a physical blow. His face become ashen and he collapses because of an ego implosion.) Hiroshi: And why should I believe you, Mr. 'I wouldn't know women even if onna grew on trees' Daisuke? Daisuke: Oh, shut up, you... We're just sidecharacters here and not supposed to have that much (if any) OOC-knowledge you know. Bad for story continuity. Hiroshi: I don't care. I'm a real person and I have my own mind, so there! It's just the writer's fault s/he chose me as a character. They all know I get cranky at times. (looks up) Perhaps a BigWac would be nice? (Elevator doors open and Hiroshi and Daisuke step out at the WacDonalds Nerima Corporate Headquarters on the 23rd floor.) Daisuke: (nonchalantly) Ooops! Wrong floor... Hiroshi: (yells) Hey! This wasn't what I had in mind--- (Elevator doors close. Elevator continues going somewhere.) Kasumi (from behind Ranma): Don't worry about Hiroshi and Daisuke. They just talk weird sometimes. Ranma: (surprised) K--Miss Kasumi! I didn't know that you were here! K (smiles): Did I surprise you? I'm sorry. It's a bad habit of mine sneaking up behind people. I should know better, though, especially with martial artists. I could get myself knocked a block off, two even, when atmospheric conditions are good. [silence] K: But I'm not the one who should be apologizing, you know. Hiroshi and Daisuke may talk weird but they're right. It's not nice that you treated my sister that way, especially since she's your boss, and most specially since you're her fiancée. R: (angry) But it's her fault! She was the one who started fighting me first! Twice I've tried to back down but she's the one who wants to fight! And some gratitude I get for saving her life--- (Ranma stops himself.) R: But she's right. It wasn't me that rescued her. If it weren't for--- K: China, Ranma? Is it because of what happened in China? R: (surprise) How did you?--- K: Your father explained everything. [one minute of silence] K: Ranma, I can't say that I know what you're going through but I can say that you're not the only one who has a deep, dark secret. All of us here at the network have one. And, for Akane... (she pauses to think) Ranma, would you really want to get to know my sister? R: Yes! I mean, yes, but I wouldn't want to marry her or anything. It's... you know... just get to know my oppon--boss and all that. K: You mean, get to know you're fiancée, right? R: Well... That, too... (sighs) About the fiancée thing--- K: (smiles) Now that I understand. (she leans towards Ranma's ear) Alright, Akane's deep dark secret is-- (whispers) R (jaw drops to ground): REALLY?!? I don't believe it! How can a hard- ass, tomboyish, violent, built-like a brick girl like Akane be... HER? K: Ranma... I could ask you that same question, you know. R: Oh... I guess you're right. ************* (Later that evening, the TENDO-FM radio booth, 55th floor...) (Akane enters, slams door amidst raging blue aura and moaning ghouls swirling into vortex behind her.) Yuka: Rough day, huh? (Special effects vanish and Akane slumps down on the DJ seat. She takes off her eyeglasses and lets her hair loose. Background fades as she becomes awfully pretty and little twinkling stars come out.) Akane: Rough day doesn't come close to describing it, Yuka. (sighs) I mean what kind of fiancée wouldn't save his fiancé's life if he had the chance? Yu: Didn't save your life? (notices something) Okay, song's almost up, your cue. (The red ON AIR lights flash on.) A: Good evening, everyone! This is DJ Juliet, here to keep you company during the rush hour. I know everyone is tired from work and all of you want to just go home, but I just looked out the window and traffic's all heavy and that. I want all of you out there to know that I'll be playing the all the best songs to help you forget all your troubles. It's been a long day for all of us, a really long day. (ON AIR lights turn off as love song starts.) Yu: (breaking silence) Akane... I really don't know what to say to defend the guy you're talking about, and I don't know if I should, but I believe that everyone deserves a second chance, no matter what kind of person they are. A: But he let me fall down an elevator shaft! Yu: But you still don't know if he tried to save you, or if he worried when you were recuperating at Dr. Tofu's. (sighs) Akane, please believe me. I gave *my* fiancée a second chance and he has more than compensated for his shortcomings. He's going to come around, I'm sure, and maybe in a way you'll never expect. A: Maybe you're right... [knock on door] Kasumi: Akane, I'd like you to meet the new news reporter who's going to help you with your hourly radio newsbreaks. A: But I don't need--- Yu: Your sister is right, Akane. You have this news reporter voice that people are beginning to notice now. We wouldn't want people to find out that DJ Juliet's Akane 'death to all baka(s)' Tendo and vice versa, now, do we. Bad for both images. A: Well... I don't know... K: Don't worry, Akane. I'm sure that you're going to like him... er... her. Come on in! (A red-headed pig-tailed girl steps in, wearing Chinese clothes.) rhptg: Hello. I'm Ranko Sao--Sawatari. Sorry 'bout all this. Narrator: Who is this pig-tailed girl, and what is her connection with the new arrivals to the Tendo Family Network (as if you haven't already realized it yet)? What fate will befall the Tendo family, now that two freeloading houseguests with dark secrets from China have arrived? What does the panda have to do with all this? And will Sarah Strange once again do Ranma's voice? Find out in the next episode of Radio Romance1/2: Chronicles of the Anything Goes School of Broadcasting Martial Arts. ----- To be continued... ----- episode-writers' lounge: "Think they'll send C&C?" Mayhem drank from his cup of ice tea. "I mean, the Ranma series isn't as popular as it used to be, with all that new anime coming out." Daisuke reviewed the episode script once more. "Well, Ranma actually needing the engagement is something new. And the concept of broadcasting martial arts is a bit weird to be worthy of attention. It's original enough to be worthwhile, I tell you." Mayhem continued to drink his cup of ice tea. "And the script format! I'm a narrative writer. I'm used to giving long paragraphs without anything being said. I still think this would be better if I converted it." "But it's the school of broadcasting martial arts," Daisuke replied. "It's mass media. A narrative wouldn't be broadcast over the air. It has to be in script format so it would look like it were on TV." "HAH! Original, my foot!" Hiroshi gave a mean laugh. "This is the same rehash of the old scripts. I mean, Ranma's the hyperpowered martial artist with the big mouth and Akane's a hammer-wielding tomboy. And you want to call it original? HAH!" Daisuke gave Hiroshi an evil look. "THEN WHY DON'T YOU GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND HELP US THEN, YOU MORON!!!" Hiroshi gave a conceited smirk. "Looks like you guys need my help. This last scene isn't as funny as it ought to be." "Huh?" Mayhem glanced over the authors' notes part and sighed. "I'm too tired to work out a punch line," he admitted. "Let's just fix this next episode." "You're slowing down..." said Hiroshi. "You really shouldn't have girls on your head, you know..." Mayhem flares up. "Maybe I'm not too tired yet to work out a MANGLING SCENE!!!" Daisuke pointed at the clock. "Don't you have a class right now? You can't even to finish your next sentence if you don't want to be late for school..." Mayhem sighed. "Someday, I'm gonna get your goat, Hiro