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------ Waking from the Dream An Naruto fanfic. By yasuhei ------
Chapter Two - Anko ---
It was too bright outside, which didn't help the low pitched aching in head any. Still, the walk and the air did her some good. Her head might have hurt more, but it got clearer and easier to think with each passing minute, despite the pain. She was beginning to wonder whether she really should have stormed out like that. Not that she didn't think she had a right to be angry with Iruka, just that she sort of felt bad about leaving the two of them behind alone to screw it up. Naruto was a good enough kid, and he deserved to have them ready to deal with what had happened instead of just sitting there wallowing in pity and guilt. She didn’t begrudge Naruto Iruka's concern or worry at all, but she hated the way the man acted like the younger blonde was the only person in the world who could be vulnerable. There were plenty of other people out there who were easily damaged too, and it would be nice to see him occasionally sharing his concern between others too.
The school teacher had really been starting to get under her skin recently, irritating her more easily than many could manage to, and yet like an idiot she kept looking him up anyway. She had to learn to get away from him when she started drinking. She had no idea why, but through a haze of alcohol the man looked surprisingly attractive. Maybe she needed to find somewhere else to drink, or maybe just someone else to start sleeping with. That solution was a simple one, and had always worked in the past when things started getting tricky, but this time the idea immediately soured in her gut, twisting her right up. He was pretty delicate compared to most of her friends, and she couldn't really do that to him without talking about it. But she wasn't anything like ready to talk about it either.
Shit. Her head hurt, and she didn't like the way her thoughts were turning. There was little chance of drumming up any violence to distract herself with, which left her with only one real course of action. She needed to get herself another fucking drink.
Her feet stopped and rotated her towards the closest bar that she knew of that would serve her before midday. A few tokkuri full of hot sake, that’s what she needed. Then maybe she'd take a stroll through one of the parks, admire the flowers and get into a drunken argument with some of the old folk over whether what she was wearing was scandalous or not. She always felt much better after that. There was something incredibly calming about exchanging angry words amongst beautiful scenery.
She almost made it there. She was only a stone's throw away from the bar she had in mind when she spotted the messy, spiky, blonde hair of Iruka's favourite student. The boy was slouched down on a bench along the side of the road, looking somewhat the worse for wear. He had what Anko assumed was the take-away ramen with him, and from the looks of it was more or less untouched. Anko couldn't claim to know the blonde particularly well, but she did know enough to realise that untouched ramen nearby him was not a good sign at all.
Anko felt her heart dropping as she realised she wasn't going to end up carrying out her original plan. She could just ignore the blonde, turn and walk away to another bar, but if she did that she doubted that she'd manage to cheer herself up anyway. The kid was important to one of her closest friends, and that meant that her conscience would punish her if she just left him be.
Shit.
She sighed as she turned her back on the bar and instead plopped herself down on the bench beside the younger shinobi. There was always the chance, she supposed, that he'd want to get drunk with her, but she doubted that she was that lucky.
"So then," Anko said, wondering how the fuck you were supposed to break the ice when it came to something like this. Idly she considered attacking him in the hope of taking his mind off it, but discarded the idea quickly. It was too early and her head hurt too much for that, so instead, "Pretty wild time we had last night."
He winced visibly, and nodded his shakily, but other than that gave no response.
The wince suggested he'd remembered it now, but was hardly absolute confirmation. Besides, she'd always preferred bluntness to endlessly hedging around the issue. "So I guess you won our bet then."
He changed from unmoving to the sudden stillness of tension in battle, and Anko knew immediately that he remembered far more than he wanted to.
"It wasn't really a bet..."
"Sure it was," Anko said, starting to warm to the conversation now. She might not have had a drink but there was still the chance of an argument. She could give Naruto the chance to blame this all on someone else in case he needed to, "I remember telling you that I'd make a better Hokage than you ever would, because I knew how to wrap men around my finger, and I remember you agreeing to prove me wrong. And well, by the end of the evening you proved me wrong. Looked like you were doing a pretty good job of getting what you wanted from him."
"Yeah, I guess I was..." Anko had expected anger. She'd expected fire, but for all the tension in him, Naruto was acting more like an oozy puddle. She couldn't claim to know him that well, but she had had worked with him on missions, and never before had she seen him acting so defeated; not even in the face of failure. It was like talking to a lifeless photograph of him instead of the living breathing version, "Do you think that he would have... I mean, if he wasn't drunk he wouldn't have done it with me, would he?"
Goddamn it, the kid actually sounded vulnerable. If it had been her Anko would be in the shower by now, trying to wash every last memory and scrap of his scent off her.
"Probably not. I don’t know what Kakashi is feeling or thinking, only he can know this, but I do know a little about him He's lazy, perverted and a jerk, but as a ninja he isn't a complete waste. He's the leader of your squad, and he used to be your teacher. No matter what he was feeling he wouldn't have tried anything if he knew what he was doing, he's usually more professional than that. Now that it's already happened though, well you'll have to ask him."
He wasn't giving her enough clues. Knowing the 'right' thing to say was difficult at the best of times, and he wasn't giving her a single inkling of what he wanted or needed. She wondered why the hell she was bothering with this kid anyway. There hadn't been anyone there to hold her hand when she'd been in similar situations. Still, whatever it was that was driving her had her too firmly in its grasp, and she kept on going anyway. Bluntly maybe, and clumsily, but she kept going.
"Do want him to have wanted to? I mean do you wish he'd done it sober?"
He folded into himself even more, and when his reply did come it was not only lacking its usual vibrancy, but also whisper quiet.
"I don’t know." He was quiet after that for a time, and Anko began to think he was done. She'd just started to wonder what the hell she was supposed to say next when finally he continued, "Not really. I mean, I don’t think I want it at all, but... But if it happened I don’t want it to have just happened for no reason. If it happened isn't it supposed to mean something? I always thought that when it happened it would be really special."
Anko had to stop herself from snorting. With teacher's like the one's that Naruto had had she would have expected him to have been reading those ecchi novels, but instead it sounded more like he'd been reading girl's romance novels. Where the fuck did kids get these crazy idea from. The scariest think was that there had been a time when she was the same; waiting for her prince. Well she sure had to grow out of that idea real fast.
"Sometimes," she found herself saying, "Sometimes it's perfect, sometimes it’s the most fucking horrible thing that ever happens to you, and sometimes it's just sex; a quick, frantic fuck to keep the ghosts away, or to stave off the boredom."
"Is that what happened to you?" He looked shocked, Anko realised, like he genuinely couldn't believe that sex wasn't part of some amazing magical thing that made everything in the world perfect. He'd learn eventually, she knew. Sex was only perfect and magical when you'd had exactly the right amount to drink, and even then it was fleeting, and usually a disaster the following morning.
"No. It was worse than that for me," She told the boy, "For me it was special, but for him it was nothing, less that that even. I wasn't anything more than a stupid girl, a tool and a nice feeling around his cock. But although that happened to me, I still turned out okay."
"You turned out okay?"
That almost made her laugh. The brat could be so inconsiderate, and yet it was nice find someone to whom her past wasn't a taboo subject. And besides, If he was still able to be sarcastic then maybe there was hope for him after all.
"Well, maybe not okay. I am pretty fucked up. But I survived it all, and you will too. Even if Kakashi was as much of a fuck as my first lover then you'd still survive, and I hope he;s a damn sight better. You'll be alright kid. You've got friends who love you."
He nodded again, but this time he was looking up at her. He believed her, she could see that, just as clearly as she could see the uncertainty in his eyes. One small vote of confidence in his abilities and now he was looking at her like she knew the secrets of life itself. It was crazy really, she didn't even know what she wanted.
"I don’t know what to do Anko... What am I supposed to do?"
He was asking her? How was she supposed to help him when she couldn't make good decisions even for herself? Even when given excellent advice she had a way of managing to end up with shattered or horribly deformed relationships and friendships. She was better at running away than at fixing things between people. Naruto needed the help of someone wiser, and Anko begun to realise, she might know just the woman for the job.
"I think what we've gotta do kid, is go ask my friend."
---
She wasn't home when they arrived of course, but then Anko had made sure they'd come prepared. They sat side by side on the steps outside Kurenai's apartment each armed with containers of their favourite food, although Anko's supply was fast diminishing. At this rate she figured she'd end up breaking in there before her friend got home. She was starting to get restless sitting here doing nothing. There was a problem before her that she needed to fix, and she hated to have to sit around and wait for it. She wanted to just do this, and she wanted to do it now.
Her current companion didn't seem to be of the same opinion however. He was eating his ramen now at least, but it was very slow going, and not at all his normal behaviour. His whole manner in fact, was reluctant and lethargic.
The worst bit however was the question, which she was fairly certain she was about to get again. She could almost see the words forming inside the brat's mind, before pushing forward to sit ready in his mouth. If his complaints had been any more regular then she could have set a clock by him, and it seemed like it was time again.
"Is this really a good idea Anko?"
"We've already been over this half a dozen times," she didn't understand why the blonde couldn't just squash his uncertainty down into the pit of his stomach and pretend it wasn't there, instead of pestering her with the same irritating questions over and over again, "Yes. Yes, I'm fucking sure. It's a great idea."
"But I don’t know her at all or anything, and I don’t know about telling other people about what happened."
Anko wondered how long she'd be able to keep putting up with this shit before she completely and utterly lost her patience with Naruto.
"Maybe if you didn’t want people to know then you shouldn't have started doing it in the bar," admittedly, that had been as much her fault as the blonde's. She had been egging him on intentionally, and the blonde had only been echoing her own drunken behaviour. Still, she wasn't about to admit that now, "You were sitting on his lap and hanging all over him, and then you left with him too. Sure, you left with us too, but that won’t make it look much better. People might not know what set of lips you used, but they've got to have a pretty fucking good idea that you did something with him.
"You transformed into a girl right there in the bar too. I don’t know if anyone saw it actually happen, but there's a pretty good chance that they did. Wouldn't it be better to work this shit out now before someone starts asking you awkward questions."
Naruto's face was bright red by now, and he looked like he was about ready to try and climb up out of his own skin to get away from the reality behind her words.
"Yeah but..."
"Besides," Anko added, already feeling guilty for the outburst. She considered apologising for her phrasing, but fuck it. If the brat was going to treat her like a friend or confident then he could learn to put up with her vulgar way of putting things, "You can trust Kurenai, probably better than you can trust me. She's never broken my trust, not as long as I've known her, and we need her advice. There are lines between friendship, sex and love, and I don’t understand them at all. I've never really known what it was I was feeling, and I've never know what it was I was supposed to be doing. Kurenai understands all this shit."
"Oh really Anko?" The sound of Kurenai's voice broke Anko's attention away from the blonde. How had she managed to miss the newcomer's arrival? Fucking Hangovers.
"The last I heard there really wasn't anything to understand," Kurenai continued. The words were waspish, but the tone was too warm for them to be stinging. Besides, Anko knew she probably deserved them, "Well it's nice to hear how much you value my opinion anyway."
Kurenai slipped between and through the seated couple and began to unlock her front door, leaving Anko feeling a little flustered and uncomfortable. Kurenai was a good friend, but she hadn't wanted her to hear any of that. She didn't ever want to rehash that argument with the woman. Once had been plenty enough.
Slowly she got to her feet and followed her friend inside.
"I'll make us some tea." Kurenai called over her shoulder, and slipped into the kitchenette.
Anko let her go and headed straight for the lounge. Kurenai was a big enough girl now to not need her hand held while she boiled the kettle. This place was the closest thing Anko had to a second home too, and she wasn't about to start acting like she was a stranger here just because she'd had to bring a brat along with her.
She turned around as she threw herself down into the most comfortable chair in the room, and found herself facing not the boy she expected but instead the woman from the night before. She was dressed more modestly than she had been last night, far more modestly, but she still wasn't exactly like the vestal virgin.
"Uh," Naruto seemed unable to meet her eyes quite yet, "If I've got to talk about what happened then it's easier doing it like this."
It was funny really, Anko mused as she looked at the blonde, even now that Naruto had grown she would still get a fair bit taller when she shifted into a woman. Taller, more slender, and meeker in some manner that was hard to define. She wondered whether that meekness was intentional or not. Was that what the blonde saw women as, or was it something deeper? There was always the chance that the blonde did it because she felt less comfortable as a girl. Or, the nastier and more amused parts of her mind suggested, that she just felt less pressure to prove herself as an unknown girl than she did as the male 'demon fox kid'.
If the blonde had been out drinking with her a few months earlier then Anko wouldn't have been surprised if she had been the one to end up in bed with her. Women weren't her preferred option most times, but when it came to them, well, physically at least girl-Naruto was her type. There was something exquisite about pinning a taller girl down to the bed while she started on them. It just wasn't the same doing so with a man. A beautiful woman stretched out over a bed was a work of art, a man in the same position was, well something entirely different.
"So," Anko said, drawing herself back to the matter at hand, "You feel better talking about screwing a guy when you are a girl?"
"Yeah," the blonde nodded shakily, "It feels weird thinking about it when I'm a guy too. Like its wrong, you know? Even when I was young, and had the crush on Sakura it was sort of weird to think about that sort of stuff when I was a girl, like I had the wrong bits, you know? I mean two girls together isn't right is it?"
Anko snorted at that, but grinned anyway.
"You shouldn't knock it until you've tried it kid. There's plenty you can do, whatever bits you've got between the two of you."
"Ahh, but then there is something nice about being gently held in a man's arms, wouldn't you say Anko." Kurenai interrupted, walking through the room to set three cups upon the table and start pouring the tea.
Kurenai's comment was aimed to embarrass her, but Anko couldn't help but notice that the one who seemed to truly get flustered at the comment was the young blonde.
"Yeah, fucking a guy is a lot of fun too," she replied, avoiding the real question. Asuma and Kurenai's relationship had been nothing like the sort of thing that she tended to get up to, "So where's your little rugrat?"
"Akiko is with her grandparents," Kurenai said, settling herself down across from Naruto and giving a quiet and sincere smile to the blonde, "Now Anko, did you need to see me for anything in particular, or is this just a social visit?"
"We got pissed last night," Anko said. Preambles were for other loosers, "Really fucking hammered, and Naruto ended up trying to prove to me that she could manipulate guys using their sex drives as well as I could. Well she succeeded too well, and now she doesn't know what to do about it, and you know how good I am at that sort of thing, so I thought we'd ask you instead."
Kurenai smiled over at Naruto and sipped at her tea.
"Are you happy to talk to me about it Naruto?" the blonde gave Kurenai a somewhat hesitant nod, and she continued, "Who was it Naruto?"
"Kakashi sensei."
The blonde was back to avoiding eye contact again, Anko noted, feeling the sudden urge to smack him in the head. It was only sex for fucks sake, not a declaration of love or a statement about who he was. Luckily Kurenai was quite obviously un-phased by his behaviour.
"Ahh, your captain. Well that must make things even more difficult. Can you tell me how you feel about what happened?"
The blonde gave a helpless little shrug, cradled the steaming cup of tea in her hands without actually drinking it.
"I don’t know. I mean, he's important to me, and it felt really good, and afterwards too, but I don’t know what to feel about it. I'm confused and upset, and I'm scared too, but I don’t know what it is I'm scared of."
Kurenai leant forward across the table reached out and touched one of Naruto's hands, squeezing it gently into the cup. Anko could never understand how she managed to make that sort of gesture to work for her. That shit just made Anko fell uncomfortable when she tried it, she was far more of a shoulder slap sort of girl. But it did work for Kurenai, and amazingly well. Already Naruto was starting to relax some, and without needing any more encouragement than that she started to speak again, her voice shaky and pained, but somehow more resolute than it had been moments before.
"First I'm scared that he did it just because he was drunk or just because he could, and it means nothing to him. Then I'm scared that maybe it does mean something to him, and I just don't want that. Then I'm scared what if I really do want something, and I shouldn't, and that means there's something wrong with me. Then I'm scared that it doesn't matter to me and nothing ever is going to matter, and I'll be alone forever and there'll never be anyone for me."
He looked up uncertainly, and found Kurenai waiting there for him with a reassuring smile. She was so good at this shit that it could be aggravating sometimes. She could say with a single change of expression something that would take Anko 10 years planning and a variety of speech prose and haiku to convey. Heart to heart conversations with her could sometimes make Anko feel inadequate, like that.
"I guess," Naruto continued, "that I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is because it was him, or just because it happened at all with anyone, and all the closeness and stuff. I haven't felt like that ever before you know, like I'm wanted that much, like there's someone that close to me."
Naruto stopped, letting her eyes drop to the cup in her hands, as if it was the tea that was advising her instead of the woman in front of her. Across form her Kurenai echoed her two handed grip on her cup, but leant forward as she began to speak in a quiet, soothing tone.
"It's often confusing, this sort of thing. Our bodies usually know what they want, but our minds and our hearts often do not. Often our bodies don't agree with the rest of us either, so you can do things that you never meant to and later regret. It can be very confusing for anyone, but it must be a little more difficult for you I would think. This was your first time, right, and I don’t imagine that you thought it would be with another man, or when you were a woman."
"Yeah..." Naruto mournfully agreed, sneaking a quick, nervous glance at the older woman, and relaxing when he saw that she was still smiling, "I just don’t know what to do. I've got no idea about it at all."
"We'll help you as best we can, Naruto," Kurenai said, "But in the end only you can really answer that question. You are the only person who can really know how it is that you feel, or even what it is that you truly want, and that means that you are going to have to find a lot of the answers yourself. But we will be here to help you."
"Thanks," Naruto murmured, her voice getting thick, and Anko wondered if a loose acquaintance being kind to her really was as big a deal to her as she was making out, "I guess," she continued after a moment, "That I want someone special in my life. Maybe not right now, maybe not for a long time even, but eventually. I want to be able to share everything with someone someday."
"Most of us do Naruto." Kurenai broke to take a small sip of her tea before continuing on, "You will find someone special Naruto. One day you will definitely find the right person for you. Finding them isn't the tricky part. That part is recognising them when you do find them and making sure that you hold onto them, and don't just let them drift away from you."
Had it really been as easy for Kurenai as she was making it sound, Anko wondered, because it sure as fuck wasn't for her. She wondered some days if the right person had already come and gone from her. Even for Kurenai it might not have been so simple, she realised, it had taken her and Asuma a very long time before they were willing to admit their relationship to the outside world. Maybe that meant that sometime even she would actually be ready enough as Kurenai was suggesting, and find and grab the right relationship. In any case, Anko kept herself quiet and let her friend keep working her magic upon the blonde.
"Just beware of fear Naruto. Don’t be too scared to take something good when its there before you. If you find them you mustn't be too scared to accept your love for them. But you can't afford to be scared of being alone either, or you might take the wrong person. All you can do is keep your eyes wide and your heart ready. There's never anything wrong with those feelings, so just be ready to listen to them when they come."
And here the great Kurenai went on about love. Had Naruto even noticed that that was what he was talking about now? Probably not, Anko figured. If he'd thought about it properly then he probably would have been far more freaked out. It was amazing how Kurenai could do this. She was probably right too, as an orphan love probably was bigger thing for him than for many others. She could relate to that, even if she didn’t want to.
"But... how do I know when I do find it?" Naruto asked, "How am I supposed to know I've got it?"
"It's not easy. It's different for each person, and even if it wasn't it wouldn't matter, because those feelings are impossible to really describe. But that doesn't mean that we can't eliminate some things." Kurenai stood up to move around the table towards Naruto. The younger girl lifted her eyes to actually watch her, didn’t even complain when Kurenai sat close enough that her left leg and elbow pressed up against her lightly, "So instead of thinking about Kakashi, could you pretend that instead of Kakashi it was another man who you went to bed with?"
"Pretend?" Naruto asked, turning actually face Kurenai, "What do you mean exactly."
"Close your eyes," Kurenai murmured, waiting until the blonde complied, "Try to imagine that you woke up in bed with another man, a complete stranger who you haven't met before. Picture seeing his strange face when you open your eyes, and start to think about how finding him there with you makes you feel."
It was fairly obvious how that made her feel, even to Anko. The blonde seemed to shrink back into her self, curling up and pushing back into the couch as she considered Kurenai's questions. She must have anticipated it, Anko saw now, as Kurenai slipped an arm behind the blonde's shoulders, "Do you feel less safe there with another man? Is it less nice than with Kakashi, or is it even worse than less nice, disgusting or horrible?"
Naruto shuddered as she opened her eyes, leaning sideways into Kurenai and obviously grateful for the other woman's presence and touch. Typically Naruto tended to look a little older in his oiroke no jutsu form than he did normally, but the way she looked right now, she seemed more like a lost and upset little girl to Anko. It wasn't a pleasant sight for her, almost enough to make her get up and leave the room. Sitting like that the blonde was a horrible reminder of times in her youth when Anko had felt every bit as lost and as fragile as the other girl looked right now. Such a strong reaction from Naruto, was her imagination as strong as that, or had Kurenai worked a genjutsu when she wasn't watching? She hadn't noticed any charka manipulation, but then with Kurenai sometimes you just didn't.
"Yeah," Naruto started, before pausing and taking the first sip of the tea that was still cradled in both her hands, "Yeah, it wasn't safe really, like I felt that I should be fighting something, but I couldn't. It was wrong. Made me feel a bit like I was sick, not throwing up sick, and not that badly, just, yeah... sick. I don’t know." She sighed, shifting against Kurenai, laying her head down against the other woman's neck. Anko supposed that sort of thing was the hidden benefit to being a more touchy-feely type, "But... what does that mean about Kakashi and me?"
"It means that you trust Kakashi and care enough about him to feel safe with him," Kurenai said, lifting her arm to gently touch the blonde hair of Naruto's head, "It means that you feel some level of affection for your captain, something perfectly normal amongst friends. If it means more than that then you'll have to find it out yourself, I think."
Naruto nodded slightly, looking better since Kurenai had spoken, but not moving away from her yet. "Okay..."
"Could you pretend for a moment that you will continue with Kakashi, Naruto?" Kurenai waited for the next nod before continuing, "Ignoring what he might want or like, could you be with him if you were still a boy. Sexually, and just romantically too. Forget about him, about what other people might think. Just worry about yourself. Could you do it?"
Naruto stilled, even her breathing seemed to stop until she was ready to answer the question.
"No . Not when I'm a guy. It's just wrong thinking about doing it. Maybe you know, like dates or something, but not sex, and not kissing. It would be too weird feeling for me."
Kurenai smiled, though Naruto wouldn't be able to see it from where he was, and slowly stroked her hair, "Then if you were to be with Kakashi you would have to do it as a girl. Now you need to decide if you could ever be in a relationship where you had to be a girl. If you can't, that's okay, and it means you know you don't have to worry about Kakashi anymore. Anything further with him will be impossible, so you can just worry about staying friends."
"Yeah I guess," Naruto said, voice stronger than before, but still sounding uncertain, "I don’t hate being a girl or anything, but I've never really stayed like that very long, or done it all that much together, just when I have to. Mostly I don’t even think of myself as a girl when I'm like that, most of the time anyway. I just don’t know really."
"Then perhaps we should try and find out whether that is something you would be comfortable with." Kurenai said, her eyes lifting up and finding Anko's own.
"Try finding out?" Naruto was asking Kurenai, sounding confused.
Anko felt the grin bursting across her face. Now this was the sort of help she could give the blonde and actually manage to still enjoy.
"It's time," she announced, "For a girl's night out!"
---
There were a fair few things that one could do on a girl's night out. Keeping mind, however, that Naruto was supposed to be exposed to guys as a woman to see if it made her uncomfortable, and that Anko had yet had the opportunity to get a decent drink today, well there was only really only type of viable venue.
The bar was a mixed one, meaning in this case that Ninja were freely mingling with some of the more adventurous type of civilian. It was places like this that had allowed Anko to discover that guys were as likely to be a shitty lay whether they were a civilian or ninja.
Smoke hung far heavier in the air in places like these, since civilians tended to be far less concerned about keeping their lungs in working order than those who regularly had to fight in hand to hand combat. The place was filled with scores of voices, mingling and echoing together into a dull roar, but then that would be the case whether the place was mixed or ninja only.
Personally Anko actually liked the noise. It was impossible to pick out details from the hubbub unless the speaker was right nearby you, and somehow that made it easier to shut out the rest of the world when you couldn't properly hear it. Easier to focus exclusively on what was happening right next to you. It could help shut out her thoughts sometimes too, when she was in the right frame of mind. There were times that the constant hammering of a dozen conversations could knock away her nagging doubts when all the gentle soothing in the world wouldn't help.
And of course, there was booze.
Naruto couldn't have much tonight, considering that the last time she had she'd jumped into bed with the closest man, but that in no way was going to stop Anko herself from drinking.
Maybe she should be getting Naruto drunk again, she briefly mused. This time she might end up in bed with Kurenai instead, which would probably do Kurenai a world of good. Probably not the blonde though... Naruto needed answers right now, not more confusing questions. Nowhere near as fun of course, but it wouldn't do to have Iruka hear that she'd let his favourite ex-student get in even further over his head.
"Hey, old man," she called out to the bartender, "two bottles of sake, and some plum juice."
It was her turn to buy the drinks, of course.
There was a light touch upon her upper arm, and Anko had to restrain herself from automatically whirling and striking out.
"HeyAnko," a slightly slurred, rough male voice greeted her. The stupid fuck, did he have a death-wish? Touching a ninja before greeting them first, "Who's that girl with you tonight?"
"Kurenai?" Anko responded, tasting the sake on his breath even without facing him
"No not her. I mean the blonde."
Anko sighed and turned to face the man. She vaguely recognised him. They'd definitely gotten drunk together a few times in the past, but she was pretty sure nothing more than that had happened. She sure as fuck hoped not anyway. Half inebriated as he was made him not the most pleasant of sights. No, she definitely would have remembered waking up next to a face like that.
"Oh her," Anko said noticing the way he was staring quite intently at the booth where Kurenai and Naruto waited her return, "She, my friend, is out of your league."
She really was too. Even if Naruto hadn't really been a confused guy, then she still would've been well and truly out of reach for this joker. She couldn't remember what had ever made her hang out with sort of person. There had been a time when she'd been able to handle the pathetic and conversation, and sometimes join in on the open appreciation of other women. She wasn't sure what had changed, but it seemed completely worthless now.
"Seriously Anko, who is she?"
Anko snorted. "What? You mean you haven't hear of Konoha's #1 most surprisingly beautiful ninja?"
The man took a long hard look over at Naruto. "Can't say I have, and trust me, I'd have remembered."
Yeah, he would have remembered the blonde, of that she was certain. If she'd had a technique like that when she was Naruto's age, oh the fun she would have had, and all without the majority of the repercussions that could come from such a fling. No lasting attatchments to worry about if you looked like a completely different person the next night. It was probably just as well that she hadn't had something like it really. She'd been fucked up enough back then.
"Yeah, well,
I'd introduce you but we are busy discussing the nature of love and the meaning of sex."
"That doesn't sound like something you'd be talking about, Anko."
The man seemed to be going for cute and teasing, but it really wasn't working for him Anko, had to resist the urge not to knee him in the stomach.
"Well I'm only here for the sex part of the conversation," Anko said, snatching up the drinks as the barman offered them to her, "Seeya."
"Hey hold up," the man called after her, "A conversation about love and sex is just the sort of thing that would suit me."
"Yeah?" Anko said, not bothering to even turn back to look at him, "Well it’s a girl's night out, so you'll have to have that conversation with your hand instead."
Ignoring whatever it was he had to say next she headed back to her table. She slid down into the booth opposite to the other two, and passed out the drinks. She noticed the way Naruto's eyes sought out the sake, even as she reached for the plum juice. Had she started to develop a taste for the stuff, Anko wondered, or was she still feeling quite nervous?
When they had first come in, Naruto's nervousness had been all too obvious, but since then she seemed to have settled down a fair bit. They'd drawn her out of herself by talking about things that they were fairly certain Naruto was comfortable with - fighting and techniques mostly – but since then topics had shifted gradually towards the less familiar, and occasionally the more feminine. Kurenai's careful directing of the conversation and occasional comforting touch seemed to have allowed Naruto to relax, though now Anko began to wonder if the little amount of sake that the blonde had drunk had made a bigger impact than she had guessed.
Well, Anko mused, maybe the blonde could have sake next round. So long as she managed to say on the tipsy side of drunk it should be fine.
"So who was that you were talking to?" Kurenai asked, pouring herself a cup of sake, a small smile inching onto her face, "A friend of yours?"
Emphasis on friend, Anko thought to herself, though in truth Kurenai's voice had been fairly flat, and she was only suspecting that she was being teased.
"Just someone I used to drink with."
"Is that so?" Kurenai murmured, "Well he seemed quite keen to continue speaking with you."
"Not really me," Anko countered, wondering if she should really bring it up in front of Naruto. Well fuck it, if she couldn't handle this, then that probably just answered the question of whether she could be comfortable as a girl, "He was more interested in trying to talk to our young friend here. Seemed to think that she the type of girl who'd suit him quite well."
"Oh really?" Kurenai said, sounding both interested and a little amused.
Naruto herself seemed to have frozen in mid sip of her drink. Her face had coloured, her features fallen, and she looked a fair bit less than completely comfortable with the idea.
Anko let the thought hang in the air for a few moments before taking pity on Naruto.
"Don’t worry. I told him that you were way out of his league."
"Out of his league?" Naruto asked, looking far less uncomfortable now, but still with a splash of red across her cheeks.
"Yeah," Anko drawled, "That's what I said. You're not a bad looker at all when you are like that, and for a girl that's really a guy, well you have quite a bit of class. At least you do before you open up your mouth."
It didn't take long for indignation to wash the embarrassment from the compliments off Naruto's face.
"Hey! What's wrong with the way I talk?"
Anko could see the laugher lurking in the corners of Kurenai's eyes too, but knew she wouldn't let it show. That was okay. Kurenai was the 'good cop' and she was the bad. These sort of conversations were always much easier for Anko when she treated it like an interrogation.
"Oh I don’t know..." she said, turning to her friend, "Hey Kurenai, what is it they say about people who display excessive enthusiasm in their dialogue?"
"Oh no Anko, I don’t think Naruto is childish."
"I'm not a kid!" Naruto objected, sounding more animated now than she'd been all day.
Perhaps it was time then.
"I guess not..." Anko's teasing voice dropping to a more serious tone, "There wasn't childish about the way you were speaking last night. I seem to remember some of your words then being distinctly adult."
The enthusiasm and life dropped away from Naruto's face in an instant, and the smile that replaced it was lacking Naruto's usual honesty. Anko could sympathise, for there had certainly been times when she had been uncertain how to feel about her own behaviour, times when she had outright regretted it too.
"I don’t know why I did it," Naruto was telling the table top now, "It just doesn't seem to make sense to me anymore."
Kurenai was there ready for her with welcoming arms, and Anko couldn't help but think of the times when she could have used a gentle touch, but there had been no one. It wouldn't happen to Naruto, she decided. She'd make sure there was always someone there to listen, even if it was someone who was fucking useless at this shit.
"You were pissed," she told the blonde, "and we can all do crazy shit when we've been drinking."
"You were drunk," Kurenai agreed, "but perhaps there were other reasons too. Perhaps you were enjoying the attention, enjoying the way Kakashi was paying attention to you alone?"
Naruto gave a slight nod, and Kurenai continued, "We all like to get attention sometimes, and we all like to be noticed by the people we care about. Feeling that way doesn't make you any different from the rest of us."
"But what if feeling like this makes me keep acting like that with everyone? If being a girl makes me feel like this all the time..."
Anko snorted, interrupting before the blonde could find the words to finish her thought, "You know that you don't have to fuck them even if you do like the attention, right? If you are really worried just make sure you don’t drink too much. If you can't manage to keep yourself from fucking the wrong people when you're sober, then you've got bigger problems than we thought."
"Naruto," Kurenai added, "You must understand that your desire for attention doesn't come from being a girl. That is something you bring with you when you transform. It is human to want to be accepted, and have people show awareness of your existence. This is not dependant upon your gender."
"Really?" Naruto asked, doubt heavy in her voice.
"Of course. For many years you have been saying that you wish to become Hokage, so that the whole village will acknowledge you. I understand that you have other reasons to desire that post too, but can you really say that your desire for such acknowledgement is really so different from your craving for other types of attention?"
"Maybe not..." Naruto said, her smile turning uncertain, but at least seeming to be honest again.
"Definitely. They are the same thing, and the only real difference is how you let them affect you. Besides," Kurenai said, changing tack, "I think that you will find that often the attention can be quite an uncomfortable thing."
"I don’t know..." Naruto mumbled, blushing again, "It felt pretty good..."
"It felt pretty good coming from a man you like and trust, and who also happens to quite attractive," Kurenai countered, "Why don’t you get our next round of drinks and see how the admiration of drunken strangers compares."
"What now?" Naruto asked, "Uh yeah, fine. I can do that. No problems."
"Hey brat," Anko called out as Naruto clambered to her feet, "Remember that you could beat the shit out of any one of those fuckers. You are better than them. You are more beautiful than them. You are above them. They don’t get to decide what happens, you do, and tonight you've decided to hang out with your girlfriends. You'll beat down anyone who gives you any shit. Just remember that, and you'll be fine."
She was rewarded by the straightening of Naruto's shoulders, a subtle realignment of her posture that told Anko that her confidence had re-emerged. You had to carry it with you, Anko knew, the sense that this was your show, that the rules were yours. If you had that then no fucker could hurt you.
The two of them watched as the blonde made the short walk to the bar, attracting more than her fair share of attention as she went. The people at the bar itself managed to both make room for her and cluster closer all at the same time. The men there were very obviously interested, but there was a level of caution and respect there that might not have been had Naruto approached with a less certain and confident attitude. Naruto was going to be fine, Anko was sure of that. The brat knew how to handle herself, and confidence was something she had more than a passing familiarity with.
"There's something strange about Naruto's transformation," Kurenai said, a little quiter now, "It's not normal."
"Naruto's hardly normal either. It's to be expected."
"It's not an illusion," Kurenai continued, "I'd know if it was genjutsu, and that wouldn't let her sleep with a man anyway. I don’t think it's kage bunshin based either, it's an actual physical transformation. Have you heard of anything like that before?"
"Heard of it sure," Anko replied, "Actually seen it? No. I wouldn't bother worrying about it though. Naruto has certain advantages over the rest of us. Naruto is a mischievous trickster, who can sometimes turn into a beautiful, human woman. It sounds a little familiar, wouldn't you say? Not the most harmful of possible side-effects given what's sealed within him, and if Jiraiya himself isn't worried about it then I don’t see any reason why we should be."
Kurenai nodded, smiled, but didn’t say anything. A subtle motion of her eyes warned Anko not to say any more either, and moments later their blonde companion was squeezing back into the booth with them.
"So how was it?" Anko asked, accepting a fresh flask of sake from Naruto.
"Alright I guess," Naruto replied, starting to look a little abashed as she turned to face Kurenai, "You were right I guess, well with strangers at least. It still sort of felt nice, but it was sort of gross as well. I guess I didn't like it, not really..." She sighed, tossing her head, "I don't know, is it always like that?"
"Sometimes it can be," Kurenai said, "But you seemed to be able to get them to back off fairly easily, and besides it's not a problem unique to women. Think of your friend Sasuke, and the girls who used to pester him."
"They still do a bit." Naruto grumbled, her expression turning a little bit sulky, causing Anko to laugh aloud.
"Don’t be so jealous, brat. Unwanted attention is nothing to be envious of." Anko tossed back another cup of sake, thinking about it. There was something off about the whole situation really.
"Hey," she asked, "If you don’t like the attention can't you just transform into a less attractive woman?"
Naruto tilted her head back, seeming to ponder upon it for a moment before replying.
"You know, I don’t could think I could do that."
Anko almost laughed again at that. "You’re too vain for your own fucking good, you know Brat?"
Naruto's smile was back in full force now, and there was an energy there that had been missing in the blonde since that morning. Maybe, Anko began to think, they had actually manageds to do her some good after all.
"Maybe I'm not humble enough," Naruto said, "But no one can say I'm not hot enough."
------ Chapter Two, End. |